Gadgetory

so basically all in one night you got yeah you got white girl wasted and you scored coke you probably screwed a hooker who robbed you and then you woke up in a crack house probably after doing crack no no no okay love a good girl will scratch the crack barb you were in the hangover weren't you was that hangover 2 or hangover 3 yeah I get arrested for a weekend oh yeah for a speeding ticket what that was a year old yeah like you didn't pay it or something like that well yeah I forgot about it you know you get them tickets you just forget about some time right right oh I it was like the first it was it was like the first day of the fair around where I'm at so like I lost track of that ticket and then I moved so i didn't get none of the notices that they were sent amino they didn't take it you know blah blah right and i moved out of the county so it was like on a figure it was like saturday Saturday morning right yeah they had a cop from one County come out wait at the borderline of that county and then another cop from that county come out to arrest me oh my god a rest of me in that county drove me to the border put me in the car now the funny thing about it was is that the guy who gave me the ticket like a year previously was the guy driving the car on that day so you he's like if I if I hadn't known you know that this would happen I would have never wrote you the ticket so I had to go in this hard-ass bench in Hamburg New York I had to go and sleep in the cell for two nights until the judge came back oh my god I just came back because they had a weight they couldn't let me out without me seeing the judge right that's for taking um well he gave me like McDonald's cuz you know but I thought that was about it I was sitting in his cell I felt like clicking a pen but dating they took my shoelaces to like I was gonna kill myself over speeding ticket wow so how do they how do they actually go about a rest like did they show up at your door and like you're arrested yeah they are you know are you so so yes you're under arrest you know it's like for a meeting yeah wow I jokes on them cuz i guess i got the free mcdonalds which is like I guess three bucks amelie a black coffee in a hamburger for lunch I I happen to imagine that's like a thousand times better than like typical jail food though oh yeah that's like that's like what you asked for for your last meal when you're on death row like I'll take an egg mcmuffin please yeah well that's cool that's a good story man thanks for sharing that from you you okay so so before before we get too ahead of ourselves why don't we just why don't we start from the beginning like and I want you to take your time with this because it sounds like it could be a pretty epic story hopefully with the happy ending but walk walk me through this whole scenario okay well I'm married two kids been that way for about five six years now and one day my kids they got I forget what the sickness is called but it was some childlike sickness that when child children aren't really subsec tible to it but adults are absolute just fucking destroyed by it so anyways the sickness goes around the house and its two main symptoms are projectile vomiting and projectile shitty quite literally everywhere at the same time oh no I don't like where this is going every about 20 to 30 minutes I was rushing up to get to the bathroom now to lay out this a little bit more I was having my office out in the time out in the barn which was about a 30-yard walk to the house now imagine that with ass exploding runs trying to waddle my ass to the house it's 30 fucking yards away and up a flight of stairs to get to the toilet I assume yeah make it well I made it all the times except for once this one time I didn't make it I realized I had to shit and I knew it was gonna be a fuckin violent one so I stood up instantly which was a huge fucking mistake because he immediately it started leaking just so here I am trying to clench my ass you so hard together that it's actually fucking hurting are you even to the house yet are you like still walking from the body I'm just getting up out of my fucking chair I've never even been out my fucking office ok anyway so here I am I'm sitting there I'm holding my ass cheese together with my fucking hands and I look over trying to find out what I should do and I see basically my he'll marry a white trash can from walmart at this time i also had a dog named zoe and she was always in my office she already knows what's gonna fucking happen she's looking at me like death she's over there in the fucking corner looking at me with big old pleading eyes like please fucking don't dad of course by this point I know I can't make it to the bathroom so I waddle my ass and each step I take I'm leaking a little bit more over to this trash can and I just get down my pants and I drop myself above this trash can and I let it live by the time I finished both my ass cheeks were pretty well fucked you know is you're not putting on your pants back after that ruin your fucking pants so I look around and I find a very old blanket that my dog had been using so with as much dignity as I could muster in this whole fucked-up shit I proceeded to wipe my ass in front of my dog with her Blake she didn't look at me right for at least the next year did if he had told me that whole thing that whole scenario was actually possible before that point I would have called you a fucking liar oh yeah but now I've experienced it myself and I'm just you naggers no sharing greater in my life than that point that must really be the lowest low that I've ever I've ever heard probably is my low is low alright we are approaching our destination just couple blocks east of our location what you're gonna do you're gonna get in the car and you're gonna stay there if you get out I will find cute and i will race that is horrifying okay I'm gonna do that so how old are you like 16 15 I'm only 11 I or 11 ok so being an 11 year old i'm sure you have a wealth of life experience under your belt so what is what is the quite possibly the worst thing or the craziest thing that you've ever done in your in your 11 years of life I don't know I haven't really done much like happier have you have you ever gotten grounded yeah what was what was like the the worst thing that you got grounded for feeling something ah stealing something we got a klepto on our hands not only a rapist but a kleptomaniac as well what did you what did you steal animal a stuffed animal did it did it have liked to have drugs in it was there like you know like a kilo in there like you get a break out of it at least or was just kind of it was it it was an angry bird in angry birds stuffed animal wow I'm sure you had to deal with it an angry mom not so stuffed animal after that I wanted it and it was like in second grade always do it and then like so this was this was no you stole this you still don't like me because of it so you stole this from another classmate I'm assuming then yeah I wasn't an idiot oh well if he's an idiot then he totally deserved it they didn't so didn't they didn't make you do any hard time for that hi this pen I got detention for Dewey I just end like letters every day like the same exact letter three times like every day like all five of them my dad took me to the police officer made me talk to a cop and she's like like like I don't want to have to put you back there in that bought so so he pretty much took you there to teach a lesson more or less yeah but if it the cop was hot right she who knows he's a beam she's she's a she's a beat ya like like the vegetable or like a beast yeah like a monster boom beach like she's a beach Oh like a like it my guy a beat you get yeah I get it dead must be that gangster slang term that I kids are using these days alright so that was a pretty crazy story I have to admit I don't think I've heard anyone else in my life do anything that crazy but have you have you ever been in love lots of time lots of times I I assumed you you have