Gadgetory

a new Star Wars movie is in the works that is set to open on December 18th 2015 I suspect this isn't news to any of you most of you are probably wearing your Boba Fett underoos as we speak I mention it because amongst us are millions who have never seen Star Wars or worse have only seen the prequels they're gonna be playing catch up and they need your help so for their sake and for the sake of everyone around you who's gonna be dealing with your purely speculative critique of the new movie I've made this top 5 Donal Bell and assuming George Lucas or Disney don't sue the pants off of us and this week's top 5 I'll be counting down the best viewing orders for the current Star Wars movie saga starting off at number 5 episode order makes sense right you start off at Episode one and make your way through the prequels before getting to the original trilogy I recommend this to no one first off Episode one The Phantom Menace is universally regarded as awful to anyone over the age of 10 you're gonna lose people if not with Jar Jar than with a hundred other unnecessary characters in that film but most importantly going in episode order spoils the biggest plot twists in the whole series certain family bloodlines are made abundantly clear by the end of episode 3 which makes it really weird in episode 4 the original Star Wars that no one is telling Luke some very critical information about the guy he's trying to kill or the girl he's trying to kiss you so how about number 4 chronological order you go in the order they were made starting with the 1977 original and looping back around to the prequels you preserve the innocence of the original the surprise of Yoda and the plot twist that really anchors the whole entire series this way works but with one big flaw at the end of Return of the Jedi when Luke looks as the Fallen mentors in the midst of that furry rave George Lucas slipped Hayden Christensen into that lineup looking like some Jedi hipster anyone who hasn't seen the prequels at that point he isn't gonna put together that the voice of James are old Jones how comes out of this twerp also it means that your Star Wars marathon is gonna end in the prequel episode three which just doesn't feel right so how about we try option number three flashback order you start with the original two episodes four and five establish the characters people actually care about and then cut back to the prequels one two and three to see their origin story and then end on six Return of the Jedi this way there's no spoiling the original or the twist of empire you get the back story of Vader when you're most curious about it and you leave the most satisfying movie ending for the last and this time you know who the hell that skeevy ghost teenager is but maybe there's a simpler answer at number two the original trilogy keep it short and clean who says we even have to acknowledge that the prequels exist Jar Jar can be a secret we keep from our children like Disney's Song of the South the new Star Wars Episode seven is set to take place thirty years after Return of the Jedi that's true then everyone from the prequels is probably dead the original trilogy will be more than enough to get people up to speed and then it's just on YouTube explaining why that ghost at the end looks like a hungover Starbucks barista which brings us to number one machete order conceived by rod Hilton and named after his blog machete order takes the flashback order and does something magical it goes for five two three six and it treats Episode one like the forgettable unnecessary bastard that it is all of the most flinch inducing parts of the prequels are gone no Jar Jar no podraces no Darth Vader and diapers no trade disputes no midi-chlorians it's actually astounding how little episode one matters to the rest of the story everything you need to know about episode 1 is summed up in the opening scroll of episode 2 in fact booting out episode 1 makes episodes 2 & 3 better the Padme romance seems age-appropriate and Anakin seems like a jerk from the get-go it also makes the return of the Jedi better because you jump from Anakin's falling to the dark side straight to Luke's parallel story of temptation ending in Redemption this time I know it sounds sacrilegious mixing the trilogy's up but give it a shot so there you go five ways to watch Star Wars ordered from worst to best that's just my opinion to tell me why I'm wrong or suggest an alternate order of your own you can tweet me at Donald or post a whole essay over at top-5 cnet.com I'm Donald Bell may the force be with