The 2016 Mini Clubman has enough room for your life
The 2016 Mini Clubman has enough room for your life
2015-12-10
this is the new MINI Clubman it's the
mini for people who like minis but need
something a little more grown-up
something with space that looks a bit
sharper to reflect who they are and what
they do now it's like a cheeky chappie
mini but not quite as in-your-face
growing up is something I've been
thinking a lot about recently at what
point do you stop pretending to be a
grown-up and actually become one when do
you stop thinking about cartoons and
what have you and start thinking
seriously about things like the future
you'll never enjoy sorting your taxes
and bills and what-have-you you'll never
want to look at pension schemes and
getting clever with your money but you
will have to there comes a point where
spending a night throwing cheap booze
down your neck gives way to getting an
early evening and trying out a new
recipe you've found online you start
thinking about having a bigger life a
family a home all that kind of stuff and
you wonder whether you spent too much
time doing things because they're fun
rather than doing things because you
should my mild existential crisis does
have a point fear not the vanilla mini
is a wonderful car it's small ace to
look at and good fun but it doesn't
exactly scream on the grown-up nor does
it have much space so when you need to
make some room for say miniature humans
it'll have to go before if you wanted
big space from a mini you had to go for
a countryman and that was well a little
challenging for some or you could try
the last generation Clubman which was
great but it wasn't especially good in
the UK because we only had the barn
doors and the big boost at the back the
club door on the side to give access for
rear passengers opened directly into
traffic
so not ideal for letting the kids out as
they're getting into school but both of
them summed up mini and Mini ownership
perfectly they were cool they were funky
they were good to drive and good to look
at but they weren't very grown-up
something this the new Clubman hopes to
remedy
it has four proper doors down the sides
and two at the rear to access it's
rather impressive boot space you do need
some space behind you to open them
though but still it's a neat design
touch that makes it stand out there is a
downside to all those doors though its
massive over 14 feet long which makes it
I think one of the biggest cars ever
made
now actually one of the biggest things
the planet has ever seen as this handy
graph will now demonstrate however all
that extra space and length means you
can fit an enormous amount of crap in
the back and the cool doors at the back
the barn doors give you access to the
boot open on the key which is very cool
but it does come with a couple of
downsides one they have to be open
enclosed in a specific order which can
catch you out occasionally and two they
add even more length to the car so you
need to park quite far forward to be
able to open them so whatever you do
don't reverse it into a space it's no
great shakes but something to bear in
mind speaking of the inside it's like
seeing a parent in their work gear
familiar yet different all the details
are here but they're a bit less mini ish
and all BMW personally I miss the vents
and switch gear that mirrors the mini
wings but I can see why some wouldn't
mind their absence looks and size and
what-have-you aside this is the MINI
Clubman Cooper s it's got a 2-liter
four-cylinder turbocharged engine with
189 brake horsepower and over 200 pound
foot of torque
naught to 60 2 takes 7.2 seconds and
it's top speed is over 140 miles an hour
now yes I've said it's a bit bigger than
a hatch but it's also supposed to be
that little bit more grown-up so the
question is is it Drive wise it does
feel like a bonafide a mini which means
it's quite fun it's quite peppy it
steers really nicely you know you do
know where the wheels are and the wheels
are as they are on every Mini at each
corner so you can feel where it is on
the road you do feel it's extra length
you really do and you do have to kind of
reach Eunice
because in a normal minute you just kind
of put it anywhere you want to and no
the cars gonna get in the gap with this
you can't do that and you have to really
get to know the car you have to look
extra long extra hard just to make sure
that you're not going to clip anything
or anyone say changing lanes or anything
like that
Mini's fiddled with the color palettes
for this as well so you can have the
bright colors like you can on the hatch
of also more somber ones it's like this
and the burgundy you see in the ads
personally I'd quite like to see it in a
brighter here I think the gray makes it
look a bit like a giant chunk of granite
throttle response is again it's a little
bit sluggish from time to time but once
you get used to it it's pretty good the
brakes on this Cooper s do feel pretty
solid they stop the car when you need
them to now this has a new 8-speed
gearbox some people really like it
personally I'm not getting on with it
all that much and I don't know why I
can't quite put my finger on it because
sometimes it's brilliant and sometimes
it's just a little bit slow a little bit
sluggish and you want it to choose from
one of its many ratios and just stick to
it now this being the Cooper S it is the
quick one for now until the inevitable
John Cooper Works comes out with many
many horsepower and it can feel quite
brisk you can see the speedo gathering
numbers but inside it's not that
exciting you don't feel that push back
and that's a little bit annoying I tried
to Cooper D a while ago and that did
feel just a little bit peppy I think
it's the talk this is it's a wonderfully
linear power train even with its turbo
on it there's no turbo lag or anything
like that but you just don't get an
enormous sensation of speed you can
fling it into corners and it's good fun
at some quite interesting speeds if
you're feeling brave but it just doesn't
excite you as say a normal hatch cover S
word or even the Cooper works but the
Cooper Works sole job is pretty much to
be exciting the interior is great and it
does feel more grown-up than the
traditional mini of this kind of
generation but just I miss the fun I
miss the fun of it the outside can be
more businesslike that's cool but I miss
the the witness of it all the way you
said it the way it used to echo the mini
wings I love that and it's kind of a
shame that it's not really here anymore
at least not as obviously there's also a
problem with rear visibility because
it's got that barn door thing which is
awesome I really like it it's white the
fact it adds an extra million feet to
the back of the car and you can traverse
it into a bay and go shopping it is
great but in order to make it oh no
crash proof I imagine there's a big
center bar down the middle and it's do
you get two tiny little letter boxes to
look through and the wipers can only be
so big so when it's raining and horrible
you just get this tiny little bit on
either side of the windscreen at the
rear and that's about it in the dark not
ideal it does feel like a mini there's
definitely ninis in it but it is growing
up because at the turn of the century
when mini was launched it was the fun
brand from BMW everything was all
circles and Happiness and loveliness
really it was an exciting little car it
was a gateway car into BMWs now though
mini wants to do that job as well when
you trade in your hatch you can also get
an SUV thing or you can get a family
estate it wants to be seen as something
that's still fun still has that edge of
our Sonic let's go out for a Sunday
morning drive and drive like a lunatic
but also if you want
take it to a meeting or you want to take
it to see the vicar or your mother you
don't have to go or what's that because
it's really big and daily and fun and
silly it's it's more sensible people can
change they can change their look they
can change their outlook on the world
but deep down you're always gonna have
that little flair of fun that little
flicker of who you once were that kid
you used to be that wants to do
everything and go out on a drinking
binge all weekend that's kind of what
this is so it feels like a bigger
slightly less perky mini that's not a
huge surprise it's longer wider and all
that but it's still quite fun but why
has mini made the Clubman and why can I
hear a few people going oh it's not so
many anymore is it why the Clubman
that's actually pretty easy you see
there are people who years ago brought a
mini hatch and absolutely loved it it
fitted into their life perfectly but as
time has gone on
they've needed something bigger to put
said life in there currently you can get
a countryman not for everybody or the
five-door hatch which might be a little
bit too small so this still has the
driving dynamics but it's a bit bigger
and a bit more grown-up and it keeps
people in the mini ecosystem which of
course Minnie wants the mini not being
small thing I'm kind of sick of making
this point but here goes again for some
people the mini is a cool brand based
around a car that their parents and
grandparents drove for them it's not a
cheap easy micro car but an aspirational
car a step above what else is on the
market the camera may seem like a large
step for many but when you think about
the logical progression of things it
makes sense it's the car you buy when
you want something with the charm of the
hatch but it's a little bit more
businesslike it's a grown-up car for
grownups who still want to play a little
bit
you
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