Gadgetory

this week warner brothers revealed the name and poster for Batman V Superman dawn of Justice the film stars Ben Affleck as an extremely muscular and very sad Batman and Henry Cavill who will be reprising his role as the beautiful Superman and the film doesn't come out until next summer 2016 is the next it is two years from now great really Jesus that seems like a long and time to wait for this fight but I think I can give you a fairly definitive idea of who would win right now let's start with the suit Superman wears a regular superhero costume with no special features because he's Superman and he is impervious to damage Batman on the other hand has a fairly elaborate suit especially elaborate in the Christopher Nolan films and the Joel Schumacher atrocities however in the comics it's not nearly as elaborate mostly just consisting of blue or grey spandex and a fancy utility belt and boots and this gloves are the things on the side whatever they call those a notable exception to the costume is the Adam West version from the 1960s Batman which doesn't look particularly useful in any way but does seem comfortable like a pair of cozy pajamas you slip into before knocking out the Joker so even though Superman suit is simple and I do love simple things in life Batman ultimately wins this one if you can forget about the Joel Schumacher suits particularly the nipples something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips okay so what about the disguises the disguises well there's really no contest there Superman when he wants to not be recognized as an invincible superhero he takes off his suit puts on a regular suit and then wears glasses Batman on the other hand lives a life of opulence and I think hot sex as Bruce Wayne the billionaire playboy I'll be honest with you Superman's disguise is awful and the fact that people in Metropolis don't notice that Clark Kent is Superman suggests that they're all high and drunk so I think Batman takes this one though I will say if you're a skilled qin expert he's gonna be in trouble you've got to ask yourself who in this battle it has a more sympathetic origin story Batman of course had his parents brutally slain in front of him of course we know one thing is for sure a young Bruce Wayne is kneeling in front of his dead parents gripping his mother's pearls and crying Superman basically had a regular childhood and he was raised by regular parents whereas Batman lived with his Butler Alfred and also had a horrible accident where he fell into a bat cave although Superman did have his entire planet blown up and everybody he knew or could have known his dad parts of them floating in space presumably also there's that stupid hologram of his father that just appears everywhere you know what I feel like this one's a tie abilities I mean this is not even worth talking about Superman is is Superman he can he can do anything he wants pretty much Batman you just has some gadgets on the other hand if he did have that gun that shoots kryptonite bullets it could be very effective against super bad but just because you put bat in front of a regular device doesn't make it any more capable of beating Superman in a fight because Superman is again a Superman with alien powers and tremendous strain so I think I'm gonna give this one to Superman let's talk about success rate Superman seems to fight the same villain a lot Lex Luthor although in the last film Man of Steel he did fight General Zod who's kind of an awesome badass target that aircraft I like to see you Zod versus Batman I'd pay to see that anyhow I feel like Superman wins a lot you know cuz he's a Superman and everything Batman on the other hand does not have a great track record yes he puts a lot of people in Arkham Asylum but they always seem to break out of Arkham Asylum I'm gonna give this one a Superman and I'm gonna say Batman maybe start putting people in jail let's talk about love life for a second that might not seem like it matters but on the battlefield when you're thinking about what you have to go home to it might give you that extra juice fight juice Superman is obviously hot and heavy with Lois Lane I don't know how they have sex I'd like to get some end data on that I assume he just does it real gently and I think that's great she seems like a pretty great gal she's a journalist she can't tell that Clark Kent is Superman so she might be incredibly stupid but she seems like a nice lady back me on the other hand kind of gets into with a lot of different ladies dude might have a STD actually when you think about how many people he's sleeping with there's Catwoman attalia Ghul Vicki Vale Rachel Dawes most recently from the Christopher Nolan films that doesn't end well it's fairly obvious that Batman gets around more than Superman but there is something to be said for monogamy on the other hand Catwoman is pretty hot so I'm gonna give this what about it Oh sidekicks sidekicks Suman doesn't have a sidekick cuz he's a Superman with alien abilities and incredible strength Batman has Robin who usually either dies or leaves this is why Superman works alone I gotta give this one a Superman so let's tally up the count oh look at that it's a dead tie between Batman and Superman I don't understand why they're even fighting why would they be fighting you think that the either one of them would be like this guy's cool like he seems to hate bad people and like so I'm gonna we're gonna just like hang out or whatever get a beer or something sometime what would they be what are they fighting over who loves justice more that's is the battle about which one of them is more into justice I think it might be it feels to me like maybe this film doesn't end with Batman or Superman winning maybe it ends with them realizing that in order to truly do something good they have to work together to fight the real evil a very curly haired Lex Luthor played by Jesse Eisenberg although he probably will shave his head so forget I said